Since I have not been finding much time to do major blog updates here, I am trying a new tact;

Please come check out my new Microblog at;     www.theodeck.tumblr.com

Thanks

There is a resonance, in the shimmering heat of a deep summer day in Texas. It can transcend the feelings associated with simple atmospheric condition, and create a vibration within the soul. When open to its patters and intricacies, when one allows this music of the earth to wash over you, the feeling can create a deep sense of peace.

I had forgotten this feeling in the clamor of city life and the rush of the business world. Growing up in small towns in Texas, and spending much of my free time in vast fields and forest of central Texas i became accustomed to this resonance. It is not until removed from it and then allowed back that it is recognized for the live nature of sacred places we seldom visit.

I say sacred, yet so often, they are common enough places; yet, when this resonance is felt and allowed, they become sacred (even if only for the moment).

The hubbub of life creates a filter that gets in the way of our ability to connect, in any reasonable way, to the nature of things. We live life through the artificial environments we create out of a need for comfort and forget the truth of our nature and our need for connection with the world around us.

I am afforded a glimpse of this more often now that I spend a considerable time on the back of a motorcycle. However, even then it seems to be in passing and drowned oftentimes by the drone of a motor. It is when all these things are set aside and we just stop and allow the murmuring of nature to wash over us that we connect with this resonance.

I suspect that everyplace, even the city, has this type of heartbeat. If we separate from the immediacy of right now, we begin to bear witness to this heartbeat. We begin to feel ourselves match pace with it and begin to live within the moment and not just for the moment.

People who moved within the heartbeat of the seasons knew this. Yet, we have removed ourselves from it with the chasing away of darkness with florescent light, the converting of summer heat or winters cold into conditioned perfection. We have lost our own ebb and flow of day to night, summer to winter and in doing so disallowed any possibility of actual connection to the nature of things.

Stepping, briefly, back into this “allowing” opened up a part of my recollection that I had packaged and boxed up long ago without realizing I had done so. It provided me a window into a time when life was simple and I was much more connected to it. As with all things, we must move on, but with this it was the keen feeling of loss that impacted my mind the most. It was the fact that I had so easily lost touch with something so simple and profound as this feeling of connection with the world around me.

It is possible that I am coming to a point in my life, my age, where this is once again necessary. It was a feeling taken for granted when I was young and is one that now is looked back upon fondly with older eyes and even older soul. It is a connection once lost more easily recovered than I had imagined, if I would but stop my hectic pace and allow it to once again take control. Or, at the very least, just move from its boxed section of my mind to the front so that I might enjoy this connection with what the nature of things (living things) around me.

So, last week I celebrated my 49^th birthday. It got me thinking about things like being 50, my bucket list, what I had accomplished in life to date, what I had not, and, well … let’s just say, what I want from the second half of life (yes, I plan to live to 100).

I am not where I wanted to be in life a year from 50. Maybe no one is. Maybe that is why they call it a mid-life crisis. We get here and look around and do our best Jack Sparrow scream (yea, I watched the latest Pirates move this weekend too – good flick).

I mean, it’s not that I have not lead a fairly successful life. I am relatively successful from a business standpoint; been married 29 years (in July); have two great kids; am in good health; financially – well, we won’t discuss that. By most standards, I am successful. By worldly statistics, I am probably really well off in many ways.

Now, if I look at it from a different perspective, that of significance; again, not bad. I am a published writer, I have been blessed with the ability to both develop and teach, I co-founded a ministry based organization that has done very well and I have been able to pursue many of my dreams.

I began to contemplate then, all things being equal; why do I feel like I am falling short? And, if so, what do I want to do about it before I am 50? A year is a long time. It may seem to flit by, but you can do much in your life in the course of a year.

So, what by 50?

Well, for one thing, I need to lighten up. I have a short fuse. I also am a redneck. The two together are not the best combo. Luckily, I am not a brutal man. Which is a really good thing, because those who know me, know that in the package I am, this could be a recipe for disaster. However, while I tend to be lighthearted, I can be a very angry person.

So, tick mark one – Relax – lighten up.

Next, probably linked to the first item (and something I have mentioned before), I am not a relationship person. I have a lot of acquaintances but a limited number of close friends. I love my friends, but need to branch out more and be more personable myself (I am probably an acquired taste).

Tick mark two – Be more relational.

I would really like to get a better grasp on life. I thought that by 50 I would have life pretty well figured out; not so much. It’s not that I am totally lost; it’s just that I still seem to do the same kinda stuff I did at 30 – very randomly. I am still trying to get all the pieces in place and feel like I am “doing” it right. Thus, I would like to get my life better organized and be less random. I know that sounds vague, probably because it is a vague concept to me, as I tend to live pretty randomly. I do not have well-structured goals for my life. Maybe that is the key;

Tick mark three – set life goals!

I struggle with career, ministry & writing dichotomies. I have a good career and strive to do a good job there; it puts food on the table, and I like food. However, I have really struggled with my ministry and my love of writing and balancing those with my hectic and stressful work schedule. I can easily put in a 60-70 hour week at work if I allow it. That is down from a 70-90 hour work week years ago. Entering into the second half of life, I just do not have that much energy. Balancing that with my ministry and writing, it is would not be uncommon for me to put in that 70-90 hours per week combined. However, that is not what I am doing. At almost 50 I find that I need more down time. I am fatigued at the end of the week and really, mentally, I am only good for about 60-70 hours total. That may still seem like a lot, but I am finding that I am struggling with that and that is really what I need to put into these three aspects of my life, at a minimum. That does not leave a lot of time for family and rest. Thus, I think I need to gain a perspective on how much I can “rationally” put in on these three endeavors and not run myself ragged.

I think that has been a real problem of late and, when I get this way, I tend to shutdown in one area or another. Thus, I can clearly see where my ministry and writing have suffered over the last six months.

So, tick mark four – Gain a perspective on my career, ministry and writing  – and, set aside time for each that does not run me ragged but meets my calling to all three (at least till I retire and can do ministry and writing full time).

Lastly I need to set some health and fitness goals. I found out this last year that I was getting close to being diabetic. I had to alter my diet, lose some weight and minimize sugars. It’s not that I was greatly overweight, but at 6’5” you can carry a lot of “additional” weight that is not healthy. I have lost over 20 pounds and started riding my bike (bicycle) again. I need to keep up this effort and make it a life change that focuses upon a healthy body. The item above is about a healthy mental attitude, and this is about me making it to 100 from a health standpoint (saying that while I am dealing with a bad sinus infection today that has me down)

Tick mark five – Healthy lifestyle (better food choices and exercise).

That is probably enough for now. I can revise that at my 50 birthday. If I can do these five things then 50 will be better than 49. I can then start really trying to go after that bucket list!